Hi Baby,

 

It’s your mom. It seems that we have been waiting forever for you to arrive. But really only 9 months filled with a mixed bag of emotions ranging from happiness/excitement/terror and just plain exhaustion.

 

We (your dad and I) are really excited to meet you. And I thought while I was waiting, I would write you this little note. So in the future, you can read it and know how about our hopes and dreams for you.

 

And how much we want you to become a reality t.v. star.

 

Because that, would really make your father and I very happy. I mean, isn’t that your job, to make us happy? Thought I read that in that baby book somwhere..
Becoming a reality t.v. star is a really an admirable ambition. There are a lot of opportunities out there.

 

Think about it..you could start out by going on one of those dating shows where 25 woman romp around in swimsuits trying to win the love of one man. You would get to live in a big mansion, lay out by the pool all day and drink copious amounts of liquor. And the camera’s will follow you around, taping you going to the bathroom and provoking you to fight with your fellow cast mates. And all the while, your family will get to watch you on t.v. every Friday night. What a great way for us to stay connected. Just imagine how jealous the neighbors will be..

 

And you will get to meet your future husband! The love of your life! When you have grandkids someday, you can retail the story of how you fell in-love under the heated lights of the camera while elbowing the other girls into the pool. So romantic.

 

And what an ingenious way for your husband to decide on a wife. He will get to “sample” all different kinds of woman before he decides on the “one.” Don’t worry, I am sure that it will be sanitary. And If he picks you, that must really mean you are a worthy human being. Your self esteem will be through the roof.

 

Oh, and don’t even think of coming back home until you have landed your own reality show on VHI. And while your at it, you might as well fall in love with a billionaire. Your dad and I need a new car.

 

Wow. If only we had these opportunities when we were growing up. Bet you can’t wait to get here!

 

Love,
Mom

 

*please note, this letter should be read with dripping sarcasm.

 

I wore a Santa hat out in public yesterday. Just to the store. I was amazed by all the blank stares I received, and actually, some people looked down right pissed. “Only four months left to shop” – I retorted.

 

Clerks at the department store didn’t even bat an eye – they directed me to the back of the store where the holiday decorations were being set up. One aisle glistened with bags and bags of sweet candy corn, peanut butter filled treats and ghoulish haunts. The next was scattered with turkey paraphernalia, pilgrims and those cream horn things. And low and behold – that big, fat, white bearded man – sat perched in the last aisle, silently overseeing the other holidays, watching his clock.

 

Ok, so I’m lying. Some say I am nuts, but I’m not crazy. I would never be caught dead wearing a Santa Hat in public. Even in December.

 

But, what is amazing is our timing, or lack their of. Long gone are the lazy dog days of summer, sitting on your porch enjoying a glass of sweet lemonade. As soon as summer hits, the commercials tell us it’s time to get ready for back to school! Wait, didn’t we JUST start vacation?

 

And as soon as September 1 arrives, forget it. That Sammy Summer beer that you enjoyed all summer has been replaced with the fall brew. One word – stockpile.

 

October 1st? Pshh, yeah. You are already thrown head first into the deep, pile of mess called the holiday season and the only one offering you a shovel is January. Good luck, solider. For the next three months, you will be bombarded with this massive, monster of a holiday called, Chrishallowgiving.

 

It’s everything you didn’t know you wanted. Three whole months of back to back chaos including but not limited to; travel, family visits, insane crowds, fat-tastic foods and stress. I wonder if people pay more visits to the Dr. during these months?

 

I am going to take a new approach this year. I am not going to give in to the hype. I am not going to freak out in November because I haven’t stated Christmas shopping. I am not going to fill my house with thanksgiving decorations simply because Halloween is over at midnight. And I sure as heck am not going to eat all my daughters Halloween candy. (Well, Yes, yes I will..)

 

I am going to take the holidays with ease this year. Maybe I will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner in shorts and a t-shirt, crack open a Shipyard Summer and break out the Halloween candy for desert. I might even bring our left over Fourth of July sparklers for shits and giggles. Oh, and you know those shorts will be white. Labor Day, Shmaber Day.

 

After all, what is the rush?

 

Here is the schmattering of a new blog – work with me here because I am starting in piecemeal, enthrawled from an article I just read in the Times Magazine – Getting Real About the High Price of Food. If you haven’t read it, do it. Now. If you have read it, I am curious as to your reactions. Mine were strong. This is what I have been saying to my husband all along, everytime we go grocery shopping. Why is the food that is better for us, more money? How is it that if we stuff our grocery carts with pop tarts, ring-ding’s and cheetos (I must admit, I am pregnant so some of these items may have slipped through the cracks) we actually spend less money than if we were purchasing organic veggies, fruits and meats. This actually makes me really angry. Angry enough to do something..but what?

 

After losing my job this past winter and finding out we were expecting, our expenditures were examined under a microscope. Our once $180 grocery bill at Hannaford, became $120 at Walmart. Shameful – but our focus shifted from organic food to a lean wallet.

 

The thrill of seeing how much we could save on our grocery bill was – almost like a game, or a high. So we substituted all our perishable items for the “store brand” – and did not once bat an eye over the ingredients listed in each item (as I would have 6 months ago), bought bargin meats and anything that was on sale or the cheaper brand. Low and behold – I noticed a change in my attitude, sleep patterns and overall happiness – I didn’t feel as good as I once did. Of course you are thinking, “Um, Kate..you are 8 months pregnant. How WOULD you feel as good?” To which I retort, pregnancy is not the entire package, here people. Your body knows when it isn’t in synch. And mine isn’t.

 

And here it frustrates me even more that during my pregnancy with my first daugher, I am forced to chose lesser food items on the todum poll than I would have generally – had we not been in the perdiciment that we are – because it is cheaper.

 

I get it. Organic food and produce take more power, more energy to produce, hence why from farm to table – we get hit with the premiums. Not to mention the increase cost of gas to ship the products to us. But really? I selfishly want a cost break for doing my part to a.) support local farmers b.) do our part to save the environment and MOST importantly c.) save ourselves from a host of illnesses.
So why is it that the family of 7 that I see every Sunday morning at our local Wal-Mart, has a cart loaded up with junk, smiling at me through powered sugared grins, is probably going to save more money on their grocery bill. Shouldn’t the government tax the heck out of all that high fructose, fake food?? Shouldn’t the clerk smile at me and say, “Since you bought 95% organic foodstoday, Ma’am, we are pleased to inform you of a $20 savings on your bill today. Enjoy your healthy life.”

 

Ok, so from here I ramble onto another topic, related, don’t worry. Have you seen the movie, Sicko? Yes, the one by controversial documentarian Michael Moore. I don’t care what they say, he gets your attention and certainly got ours. Health insurance is a luxury for Americans. If you don’t have it, you are screwed. And the interesting part of the movie, is they correlate the governments nonchalant attitude about food production, preparation and overall health to a possible link to health care. “Oh, Mrs. Jones. We are so sorry to tell you that your husband died because of a triple heart attack caused from umpteen years of McDonald’s abuse and channel surfing. Oh, and we couldn’t save him because you don’t have any health insurance.” Awesome. But secretly, it seems that from Michal Moore’s point of view, the government wants this. Quality control? Survival of the fittest. Nope – just keeps us lowly humans from jumping the line.

 

Canada seems nice, I have been there a few times. I know from experience that they don’t put lard in their OREO cookies. Anyone from Pierce reading this will laugh. I have not researched their FDA laws extensively, but that is my next project. I have some time.
Maybe we’ll move, who knows. In the meantime, I’ll just nosh on some expensive organically grown, pesticide-free apples, waiting for Ella to arrive, while unable to put gas in my car because I blew it on healthy food and habits. Seems fair to me.

you will be amazed